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  • Dog

    Factorf smut is much better than a catalog of factorf

    • Back in my day, you needed connections to find good factorf smut. I remember when my friend Berlinda showed me her set of a dozen signed factorf smut lithographs—truly a sight to behold. It’s all been cheapened now, the way you can type “factorf smut” into Google and find all the latest work by self-employed crack factorf smut artists.

      • Dog

        Yeah, I get that the impact and rare accessiblility of factorf smut has been cheapened over the years with the introduction of the information highway. The idea that anyone can share something with any other person whenever they like without any delay or cost is frightening when it comes to the future of factorf smut. But surely, this is what humanity has been building for! A world where communication is quick and simple is a world where human progress thrives! We couldn’t possibly have factorf smut, or even factorf at all, if we still shared commonalities with hunter-gatherers in our way of approaching things. Factorf catalogs are the very perfection of the opposite of this type of thinking: a large collection of factorf, delivered right to your mailbox/door/etc. There is no communication or exchange of ideas here. There is no effort put into getting one of these catalogs. You just wait. Waiting is, I think you’ll find, the very opposite of progress. It is an optimistic stupor, hoping that something will happen if you do nothing for long enough. The ready availability of factorf smut is a depiction of what’s best for humanity! With a little but of effort, you could share your collection of smut (or ideas or whatever the hell you have) with everyone who wants or needs it! This is, what I believe, to be the foundation of progress. Without ready spread of ideas, there would be no philosophy. Without ready spread of ideas, there would be no theology. And without ready spread of ideas, there would be no factorf smut. Thank you.

        • But what are we progressing towards? I fear we are headed towards a world where people binge on factorf smut the way they binge on superhero comics and chocolate-covered mealworms. With so much smut available, people have no incentive to spend time with a given piece and invest in a deeper appreciation of the philosophy and artistry behind it.

          I mean, go to any one of the top factorf smut sites and click on the “Eighties” category. You’ll see lots of shiny, new smut of 80s-style factorfs, but little or none of the authentic factorf smut I grew up with. I’ll admit the newer works have many advantages, but I can’t shake the feeling that newer members of the factorf fandom are missing something fundamental that us old-timers are struggling to convey.

          • Dog

            To quote Bob Dylan:

            “You know, these days it seems
            Got too many incidents of
            People losin dreams
            Cuz they haven’t got incentive
            To go out and parade
            Against what just ain’t good
            Instead they lie in shade
            Imitatin brotherhood
            The common goal is gettin old and feedin local pigeons
            Well, I beg to differ, got a second opinion”

  • What is the name of the game show? Why is Ollie explaining where the prizes are? Where is my lower jaw? Has Ollie ever worn a suit before? Why are the doors out of order? What am I standing on that makes me appear to be as tall as Ollie? Why is “bonus content” in quotes? Are the prizes actually bad things, making Door 1 the best choice? Why is “bonus bonus content” not in quotes? Is Ollie wearing the same suit the Factorf boss was wearing? Did the rock get those cracks before or after it became an accessory to murder? Has anyone told the media that apologies are not content? What does the factorf produce? How can we convince millennials to work hard in the few available factorf jobs instead of living with their parents and sucking all the always on Twitter?

    • Dog

      Now, I’m not the creator, but I think I can guess what he was attempting to say:

      1. The title of the show is “Bonus Content”. It is a show where you get a bonus content, that is, an extra item to add to your collection of existing material possessions. It’s in quotes because it is the title of the game show.
      2. He is explaining to the reader, much like the host of an prank show explaining what the prank will be to the audience before showing the victim’s unexpected surprise.
      3. You simply have buck teeth that extend past your mouth in profile. You know, like a beaver?
      4. Yes, in fact, he has! Knowing that Oliver canonically lives in the Gasarillo and was previously homeless, I’m willing to bet that it’s probably the exct same suit, too:
      5. It’s likely to be way of confusing the reader – by saying ambiguously “door number two”, does Oliver mean the door in the middle, or the door on the right? It’s impossible to tell.
      6. It’s a matter of perspective. The “camera” of the strip is behind your head. It is likely the same reason that the doors appear small, but as your character says in the comic, it’s unknown if this is the case.
      7. See answer 1 for my reasoning behind this.
      8. See answer 2 for my reasoning behind this.
      9. See answer 1 for my reasoning behind this.
      10. See answer 4 for my reasoning behind this. (Also not how Oliver’s shoulders are much broader than the Factorf boss’s are, as well as the general difference in arm width.)
      11. It takes a lot of effort and strength to put a crack in a rock that thick (assuming it’s not hollow), so I’d say that the rock previously had cracks in it.
      12. (five hours ago at the time of writing)
      13. My guess is that they do something with rocks. This is the only reason I can think of for bringing his murder weapon around while presenting his company. (People seem to introduce their companies and concepts to Oliver and Jim a lot while they’re behind the counter. Perhaps they should make a reality show about that.)
      14. I don’t know. Ask Matt.

  • I know the consequences if we choose wrong, but what are the PROsequences if we choose right?

    • It’s a double negative. A consequence for choosing wrong and a prosequence for choosing right are the same thing; you’re after a prosequence for choosing wrong.

      • Dog

        I mean, I’m not entirely sure I understand whatever it is you’re saying, but I don’t *not* understand what you aren’t withholding.

  • Bearistotle

    Would it help Ollie to hack his brain with energy gum? It’s called neurogum. Recommended by Dr Oz.

  • Bearistotle

    Less Factorf Floor and more Factor Floof